Things they don’t tell you about childbirth

Baby photography Derbyshire

Traditionally, women who’ve given birth aren’t supposed to tell women who haven’t given birth anything about it. We’re told not to “put you off” so we keep schtum and then you kick us in the ankle for not telling you the specifics.

It’s a bit silly really. If childbirth was really that bad nobody would ever go on to have a second baby and people wouldn’t look so happy in their first picture with their newborn.

So, in breaking with tradition, here are some things you won’t be told about childbirth by anyone else:

Your waters probably won’t go

Sadly, it’s not like a television show where comically, and at the worst possible time, your waters just pop all over the floor. Some gush, some trickle, some don’t go at all. That’s the fun. There is however a rumour that if your waters go in Mothercare they’ll give you some vouchers so if you feel like it’s going to happen today that’s worth checking out.

It takes a long time

Even if your waters do “pop”, your contractions might not start straight away. You could be waiting a long time to reach “established labour” which is where you’re actually preparing to push.

Pushing takes a long time

This birthing business really is very drawn out, and unlike anything you’ll see on a film it’s not always a case of two pushes then a baby. In some cases, pushing can take up to 3 hours. Your midwife will guide you through them, as well as suggesting pain relief or assistance if fatigue is getting to you.

It’s exhausting

Whether you’re wandering your house or the hospital trying to get things going, pushing or just trying to relax before the main event, it’s likely to be tiring. Rest up wherever you can.

It’s painful

There’s no getting away from this. Contractions are painful and so is actual delivery. But you knew that, and you’ve been getting increasingly uncomfortable for the last 6 months so think forward another few hours and it’ll all be over.

You may have to leave your dignity at the door (and you may not care)

Sorry to tell you this but during the course of your labour you may have a wee, you may have a poo, you may have more people examine your lady parts than you thought possible. You also really won’t care. Promise.

You will not lose your baby weight immediately

In fact, for the first few weeks, you may still look very pregnant. However, in comparison to full term pregnancy you will feel like a Victoria’s Secret model. Rock that post pregnancy body! 3 years on and I’ve still got a stone to loose 🙂

You won’t care

Even after your dignity has been stripped away, you’re still wearing your pyjamas at 3pm, you haven’t washed your hair and so many people have passed through your hospital room you wish you’d charged an entrance fee, you’ll still look at the tiny life you created and love them intensely.

What did you find out about childbirth no one told you, leave your comments below

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