Every stage of parenthood brings with it its own unique blend of challenges. Toddlerhood is perhaps one of the first stages that will really get you pulling your hair out.
You know you have a toddler when …
- Waking up at 7am on a weekend feels like a lie-in.
- You regard dentist appointments, or that all important smear test, as an opportunity for some “me time”.
- Your handbag contains a spare nappy, wipes, colouring books, broken crayons, an assortment of toys, but no purse or make-up.
- You can do anything with someone hanging on to your leg and screaming at you.
- You automatically sit on the floor at a social gathering.
- You check your shoes for “hitchhikers” before putting them on. You are amazed when you don’t pull out Lego pieces or mouldy food.
- You forget what it’s like to go to the toilet alone.
- You stop fantasising about being rich or famous, and instead day dream about sleep.
- You say “ta” to everyone, even adults.
- You have to eat cake and chocolate in hiding or you will be “sharing” it.
- You know all of the words to the “In the Night Garden” songs and regularly worry about how often the Pontipines lose their children!
- You cannot take a shower without kicking 20 bath toys to the back of the bath.
- You find yourself saying crazy things like “Cats are not for eating”.
- Everything is a telephone.
- That’s Not My Puppy/Fairy/Pirate/Hat… becomes deeply philosophical after its 350th reading.
- Your once pristine living room looks like the aftermath of a Toys R Us explosion.
- Forget celebrity gossip, unless Handy Manny is having an affair with Princess Sophia you won’t have heard about it.
- You listen to the expectations of friends who are pregnant and laugh so hard you get a stitch. And maybe pee a little.
- You can’t find your keys and one of the first places you look is the bin. The second place is the toilet.
- You’ve laughed and agreed with every one of these points and plan to share them with your friends, because they know your pain.
